Back to the Drawing Board

Had the second ultrasound today, there was no heartbeat, I will have the D&C tommorrow and they will test the tissue, once hcg goes back to zero will start bcp, but that is only if insurance will cover again, said they will waive the transfer fee need to see how much that is. I got the ultrasound tech that I do not like she is just so cold, she was doing the ultrasound did not say a thing had a girl in there she was suppose to be training, after she was done taking pictures she says I am sorry but there is no heartbeat but you had to have known that, I was like no I have had no cramping or bleeding so why would I know matter of fact since Sunday I have not kept any food down, and I have just been so fatique, really she said most people have a feeling. Stupid Bitch is what I wanted to say. Then I had to wait fifty million years to talk to doc, when we walked from ultrasound room to doc office everyone that usually speaks said nothing just looked away, thanks for making this better. Doc said since there was no cramping or bleeding then we can rule out hormone absorption problems, and since I was getting morning sickness means I was getting adquete hormones, said looks like it arrested sometime last week because sac looked like 7 weeks not 8 weeks, showed me a second sac on the picture said it looks like might of been twins but it would not of made it, it implanted too late it was too far behind. Cried for like five minutes hoping insurance will cover again, cannot afford another cycle on our own, hubby was laid off last month job got moved to india, got offered another job with company but it was a $20,000 paycut and entry level, I don't think so, he's been on interviews but June is bad time for interviewing its companys first quarter fiscally so budgets have been released and alot of jobs have been frozen or canceled. I guess when I get the clear start excercising to loose all this weight gained from some many cycles and being pregnant.

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

This is in honor of my father, a singer, songerwriter and producer June 3rd was his birthday he would of been 67 yrs. old, he was always about family, growing up I did not really appreciate his music, when I thought he was cool was when he performed on one of the late night talk shows with Taylor Dane. I use to love her, I thought he made the big time when he performed with her, little did I know. But her is their performance enjoy:

1st ultrasound

Had the first ultrasound today and yes there was a grain a rice in there with a heartbeat, measuring right on track with my due date. I was so nervous thinking what if nothing is in there, the symptoms I have been having is nauseous, sore bbs, and tired, I had to take a nap yesterday instead of eating lunch I was so tired. We got to hear the heartbeat took a minute to pick up the sound kept fading in and out, said could not measure it yet too soon, then when I went in room to wait for doc he came in and said its about fucking time, and gave me a high five, okay that was interesting and a bold move how do you know my feelings about cussing, well when I use up my vial of PIO I get to use the gel now, I think I cracked the bottle I dropped it when I took it out the box and when I was filling the syringe it was dripping down the syringe, oh well at least I filled the gel prescriptions. Well next ultrasound in two weeks, I was hoping for weekly appointments.

3rd Beta

Woo hoo third beta came in its 5500, I finally got my first ultrasound scheduled its Wednesday, I am definately taking a sick day that day. I am so excited to be able to actually get a picture and hopefully see a heartbeat. Now I am just going through the thing of finding an OB/GYN the one my re recommended changed his delivery hospital and I do not want to go to that hospital it is not near house and I did not care for him too much, my choices are either North Fulton or Northside the Main Hospital. I emailed four offices to see what kind of response I would get, I asked how they would handle me appointment wise being a ivf patient and diabetic, and also about there u/s equipment do they have 3-d capabilities which to me translates better equipment, one I liked her response as far as saying she would handle me she said to setup a consult appointment with her so we can discuss what I want but no she does not have the latest equipment, the other one said they do have the latest ultrasound equipment and that I would be treated like any other patients with an average of 14 appointments throughout pregnancy. Gee thanks, the third there website already stated they used 3d ultrasound I just wanted to know if they delivered anywhere besides Northside since they also have a office near my house, they only deliver at Northside, but I am interested in two of the docs there because there specialty is high risk, diabetics and pcos, and one of the doctors is younger so he would be more up to date on the newer technologies and not set in his old ways yet, and there website claims you never meet with just a nurse you will always meet with the doctor you picked out, and before any exams start they first will come in and talk before having you take off clothes. They deliver at Northside.

My sister is giving me grief if I choose this doctor because she thinks Northside is just a baby factory, it is its one of the best hospitals in the city to deliver at, she wants me to go to North Fulton and have a waterbirth like her, that does not interest me, it grosses me out thinking about sitting in a tub with blood and tissue floating around in the water, with you, you have to bring one of those nets you use in a fish tank to catch the floating tissue, I don't think so.

No He didn't

I am so pissed and hurt right now, this will be my first child, and hubby's second child, when me and hubby used to talk about starting a family I told him I wanted him to be excited and enthusiatic with me and I don't won't to hear about different things like oh yeah me and first child mom did that. Well I thought it would be fun this morning to take pics and put it on the website makemebabies.com, they merge your pictures together and give you a potential look at what your future child would look like and its free. He told me he was not wasting his time doing that, when baby mama was first pregnant they had a stand at the mall that did that and he said my daughter looked nothing like that picture so I am not doing it. That hurt my feelings and pissed me off.

2nd BETA

Got the call about the second beta it is 337 so I am happy about that more than doubled. I have to do a third beta in week, that sucks, I was hoping for first ultrasound to see a fetal pole, a sac, a yolk, something, this means first ultrasound probally won't be until sometime in the first week of June, I guess thats cool since I will be six weeks so hearbeat should be seen. So know I just sit and wait until next thursday.

Of Course I had to POAS 15 DPO